Ever feel like you are happy but somehow you might not deserve it? It might not be intended for you, but you are just catching a whiff of it while it's on it's way to sit on someone else's doorstep? Kinda like you are in a bakery and you know that all you are taking with you is a fresh loaf of bread but you smell the cinnamon rolls instead?
I have struggled with that feeling for months, questioning, bargaining, and negotiating it's stay and it's elusive arrival. I'm content... content with my life, where I stand right now, content that my daughters love me and suffer no apparent lack of attention or affections. Excited about the potential of this week, confident that I am lovable, overjoyed at a milestone that someone else will be hitting. When I feel like this, I see everything in amazingly vivid colors, no structure or boundaries. I'm convinced it's here to stay, I've paid the piper, I am somehow deserving. I am surrendering to grace. It's found me.
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